Thursday, June 01, 2006

Announcing My Candidacy

Peggy Noonan is one of my favorite opinion writers and I think she is on to something here. In today's Wall Street Journal, she writes how our beloved country really could use a third political party. I know, I know, (and she does too) we've been hearing this for most of our lives and yet it is still the Democrats and Republicans that hold office.

Her reasoning why so much of the public is so disenchanted with Washington is because the average American is consistently disenfranchised. She cites a few examples of how our politicians on both sides of the aisle completely ignore their constituents and eventually will enact some legislation that is a little bit for everybody and pleases nobody. It does not matter what they call themselves, Republicans or Democrats, they are both becoming more and more alike and, in the end, are more the Ruling Elitist party than anything else. In all, a brilliant article that struck a tone with me.

Therefore, I am announcing my candidacy for President of the United States on the Freedom Party ticket. As President, I will enact the following legislation in my first 100 days in office:

1. Build the new 21st century Great Wall. This wall will be just as imposing as the Great Wall of China. It will be so thick and tall, you will see ours from space too! The wall will be lined up for the entire length of the U.S.-Mexico border and the entire length of the U.S.-Canada border. No one enters this country unless we can identify you and what reason you have for entering our great nation.

2. Evict the United Nations. For far too long this institution of Evil Aristocracy has been allowed to infest our great nation on our dime. Enough is enough. Not another U.S. cent will subsidize Anti-American coalitions. If they want their little club, they can move to Brussels. But before anyone is allowed to leave, we will hold any representative of any nation that owes us money in Rikers until said debt is settled.

3. Immediately stop Government funding for: Global Warming studies, second-hand smoke studies and other dishonest nanny-state organizations, any non-profit with a political agenda, Israel, Egypt and Palestinians (Pakistan, you are on probation). More cuts to come.

4. Out of Iraq.....and into Iran. Just kidding. But, seriously, no more pussyfooting with sensitivities and "allies". For real this time, you are either on our side or you are with the terrorists. I will expect to have significant U.S. forces in northern Pakistan and cut off the entire region. Once the entire Pakistan/Afghanistan border is surrounded, we will announce to all people in the region, they will be allowed to leave before it is leveled. You can come through our checkpoints and if we can determine you are not a terrorist, you can leave. Anything or anybody who remains in the cordoned off area will be considered hostile and obliterated.

5. Drilling will commence immediately in Alaska and any other place we may have oil on American land. Also, we will determine suitable sites for future nuclear power plants throughout the country. We will begin the process that will no longer rely on other nations for our energy needs.

6. Any reporter who leaks confidential information that in any way hampers the country in a time of war will be immediately put on trial for treason.

7. No law shall be written by any Court. Law is solely written by a Legislature composed of elected individuals.

8. All government business and services will be conducted in English.

9. All federally funded education will be dedicated to learning. English, Math, History, Science, Health, Geography and Physical Education will be taught. Diversity, Tolerance and Alternative Lifestyles are learned through one's own life experience and are not valid subjects because nothing related to those topics can be taught as FACT.

10. Social Security will no longer exist in its current form. All Americans 40 and under will now be allowed to save a portion of what they would pay in and put in their private retirement accounts (I know, not an original idea, but a necessary one). All Americans under 20 will have no obligation to Social Security.

Cabinet Posts announced:

Secretary of Defense - Ralph Peters
Secretary of Treasury - Steve Forbes
National Security Advisor - Michelle Malkin

Oh man, I could go on forever, but I will stop here for my first 100 days.


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